You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
