omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
