I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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