He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
