You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
