But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
