another moral hangover. fuck.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
