I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
