He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
