im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She told me I should be a condom model.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
