remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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