Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
