Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
