She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
false alarm, still single
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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