so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
