She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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