Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
