she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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