I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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