Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
