i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
