i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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