Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
