Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
