I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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