Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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