New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
