We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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