the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
