it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
