I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
