apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
