Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
