My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
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I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
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My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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