He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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