Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
