Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
