There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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