I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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