Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize