I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
