how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize