my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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