I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
