4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
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The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
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A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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