: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
