She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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