I met the friendliest cop last night
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
