Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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