is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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