Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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