had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize