I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
