His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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