Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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