If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
