I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
