Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
