i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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