I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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