I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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