um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
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I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
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I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.