So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
