You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is