Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
It's just like the Real World with babies
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
