Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
time to smoke my breakfast
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
