that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize