Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
