sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
