I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
