I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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