I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I love you. Go after that dick
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
