I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Randomize
