im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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